For the past two weeks it's been a slow trickle of tears down my face. All I have been thinking was how this would be our last, and that was the last movie we would watch. It's literally a gaping hole in my chest. I don't care how dramatic I'm sounding its all true. And it's true for him too, he's cried just as hard as I have. It's kills him just as much as its aching me. The physical pain of being apart sucks. I golly underestimated how much this would effect me. 3,000 miles apart, all I can think of is "when will our next time be that we can see each other day to day".
I know the beginning is hard but how much harder will the middle and the end be? I'm not sure who to reach out to or how to act. Can I just sleep these 90 days away?
Last night I watched him cry for the first time. I've never seen a tear, and last night was different. I held him close in my arms, and we sobbed. We couldn't hold it in, we couldn't take it any longer. It's coming. We're gonna be apart for a while. It's not gonna be pretty, he's my best friend and we can't imagine our day without the other. But we're close now, to being apart.
I'm not worried about breaking up or falling out of love. But it scares me. My days will be lonelier, quieter, not as funny. I'll be left for fend for myself and cook one person meals. It'll give me time to work on me but I don't wanna do that, I wanna be with him. I'm not sure who understands. I really love you, why do we need to be so far? I wanna be so close to you forever.
Because I've seen your tears, we have started a new chapter. I can't wait.
Everyone opens their mouths and makes sounds from time to time. It doesn't always make sense or have meaning though. Why is that? Why do we feel so comfortable with loud and so uncomfortable with silence.
I've always wondered this. Having grown up in a big city by a huge public transit station I've been constantly exposed to noise. Yelling drunk people, buses driving by and the train announcing its way to 69th street. But I've still managed to not be much of a talker. I always kept to myself and made little comments in my head about my view on life. It wasn't until high school that my snarky ideas/comments would give people a little taste of myself.
But while I'm an introvert, I find myself often surrounded by huge ego's and big mouths. Asking things like "why are you doing that?, what happens next?, did you know, cause I did!". Ill be the first to admit, questions are annoying. Don't people realize? "They are already stressed about the initial problem, lets stress them with more questions". I literally think that's what goes through people's mind sometimes when they ask.
I've always been the person that thought things out first and would hopefully figure out the answer myself. If not I would look it up in the Internet or ask someone I respected.
Bottom line lets try not to talk to talk, let's have more meanings to our words.
This past weekend I watched "Les Misérables". I've never seen the play or listened to the soundtrack but I have always loved musicals. Within the first half hour I couldn't turn away. I couldn't even tell you if someone even got up in the theatre to use the bathroom, that's how into this movie I was. The characters were perfect, and the voices were even more brilliant.
I've always had a hard time seeing Anne Hathaway as someone other then the 18 yr. old in princess diaries. But she was perfect. As silly as it may seem I've never really thought about how much pain must come with using your body as a tool for money. The way they hacked at some of the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. The way she sold herself for her daughter and lied cold and alone. This woman had been sacrificing her life and still her every breath was for her daughter.
We sacrifice so much in life for our children and loved ones. It always gets me, these characters that are created in movies and books to relate to the audience. We love and care for these characters. I can honestly say I may name my daughter Clauzet. I hope to even have half the courage and faith of the people in this film. It was so refreshing the lesson of faith in God and being humbled by grace.
Just as I thought my life was content I got myself a Nook simple. Why not? I always wanted to become a bookworm and get into reading. I never really did, I read the books to get by my adulthood. My first purchase on my new drug was "perks of being a wallflower".
After seeing the movie with my boy friend (both having low expectations) I left the theatre as a new being. Why hadn't I been given this journey a long time ago. Putting my foot in this door I decided to pick up the e-book. I couldn't do anything else until I was done reading it.
I felt as though my life was a complete version of Carlie, Sam, and Patrick combined. I have never felt so consumed and apart of characters lives. Charlie gave me such a deep look into a complex mind which is; being a teenager. As a teenager I really struggled with the concept of feeling a purpose and fitting in as most of us did. but i was really different, I was awkward and sarcastic and a bunch of other things. While I wanted to just be apart if someone's life, I pushed people away with dry humor. I'm not sure why my high school teachers never recommended me this book as they cringed at my struggle. I constantly sought something to relate to.
A few months have passed since I've read this book and I often still come across the thought "we accept the love that we think we deserve". Why do people do that? Why have I done that? Why have I been settling? I will learn for the rest of my life, I know that, but for some reason I'm still surprised by that. I'm constantly being taught life lessons. It's hard to keep track. That's why this post will later come as a reminder. We all need to deserve a ton of love. I know I'm accepting the love I think I deserve, because that love is whole and fulfilling. This book/movie stepped into my life and list of lessons at the perfect time.
i want this on my foot.
i want lots of them actually.
i mean other tattoos not just bows.
Posted by
Someone's thoughts
11:36 AM
and i never really have been. but this dude can write songs. i always listen to him when ever i'm emo, or just trying to relax ya know?
carlos introduced me to him, which is why i'm taking him to this concert.
nothing like a road trip to nashville to see me some chase coy...
sticks and stones
